Casa Grande: MLA's Gambling Class is a Bust

Mary Lynn attended a class earlier this week that (supposedly) told you how to win more often when you go to a casino. She and a good friend of ours, Mary Anne, attended the class and learned how to play and bet the various games. MLA told me the class (& the instructor) were not that good. That should have been a huge warning sign and yet, somehow, we proceeded down the path...

One recommendation the instructor did have (that MLA understood) was to avoid going to the Indian-owned casinos. The instructor said these casinos are not required to adhere to the same state gaming commission's rules that non-Indian-owned casino's are required to follow. I have not heard that before and have been unable to confirm if that's true, however the instructor was adamant that this was the case.

When Mary Lynn and Mary Anne signed up for the gaming tips & techniques class, they also signed up to go on a bus trip to a local casino. Sometimes it's hard to determine the ownership of a casino -- sometimes its a little easier. The name of the casino for this trip? Apache Gold Casino -- I'll give you a minute to see if you can figure out who owns this casino...

So the first strike against this trip starts with the casino being Indian-owned.

Second strike against this trip: After boarding the bus early this am they are told the bus ride to the casino will take two hours - each way. So much for going to a local casino, some of which are only about 30 minutes away.

Third strike: they find out, while still on the bus, that this particular casino laid off 135 employees last week. Now what are the chances the games at this casino are paying off at the higher rate of return? Scratch that. What are the chances the games are paying off at all?

Lastly, when they arrive, they learn that the casino is very small, which means it offers a minimal variety of games, and more importantly, almost no non-gaming activities. Non-gaming activities are important since they provide a location or activity where you can take a break away from the gambling. You know, just in case the cards/games are not going your way.

I want you to realize that I gave MLA very specific instructions last night and again this am before she left for the casino. Now, I didn't say "Go win enough money for a new RV" or "Go win enough money for a new house" or even "Go win enough money to pay for our trip to Alaska". Nope, that's not what I said.

Being the nice guy that I am, I didn't want to put too much pressure on MLA. All I told her was "Take your new found knowledge and go out there and win us some BIG MONEY". No specific dollar amount. Keep the pressure low and give her an opportunity to really show me what she can do. Be the nice guy and let her come up with her own personal goal of how much BIG MONEY she should win.

Then I gave her $18 dollars plus $2 dollars for lunch, kissed her good-bye, and said "Go win us some BIG MONEY". See -- no pressure -- nothing but positive thoughts & great coaching from me.

Around noon Mary Lynn called to remind me to go down to Dave & Mary Anne's to walk their dog, Goldie. Dave had hip surgery two weeks ago and it's difficult for him to walk the dog while he's still using a walker. I met Dave last fall playing water volleyball. He's normally a very energetic and active individual, so having limited mobility is driving him crazy. Like most people who start feeling better after an operation, Dave is quick to 'over do it'.

When she called I asked her for an update -- and it was not good. That's OK I told her, still plenty of time to get back in the BIG MONEY! "Just go out there and win one for the Gipper" I told her. I mean, that line is one of the top motivational lines ever used. It never fails in the movies... I forgot however, MLA knows nothing of football, yet alone who the Gipper is...

Wait a minute -- I'll be right back.

OK -- I'm back now. Sorry about that.

This evening, while I was working on the blog, I baked six chocolate chip cookies as a snack for MLA & myself. The chocolate chips had melted just the way I like them and when I bit into a cookie I got a little chocolate on my cheek. I asked MLA for a paper towel and she picks up the used paper towel I had used to cool the cookies. That's OK I told her -- don't give me a clean paper towel -- I really prefer a used paper towel covered with chocolate. Sheeesh -- you'd think we could afford a clean paper towel.

Then again, I guess that illustrates, as well as anything, that MLA failed to perform as expected. She not only didn't win BIG MONEY at the casino, she came back with less than she left with. So now, we'll have to use both sides of a paper towel before throwing them away. I can envision used paper towels hanging all over the RV, slowly drying out so we might use them a second or even a third time.

All because MLA failed to get the return on investment from her class and her trip to the casino.

We'll probably have to fix soup and tuna sandwiches for lunch from now on. Wait a minute - we already have soup and tuna sandwiches for lunch... I guess we'll have to cut that down to just soup.... probably with two cans of water instead of just one.

See Ya!